Monday, 6 March 2017
Back in Dorset
There are some people who know me well that might doubt my sentiments. They may gently remind me of 'past experiences' in my life that would have floored a lesser person. Not me. Pull back your shoulders, lift your head high and you will land on your feet. Cast aside negativity, rid yourself of people who doubt your ability. Say what you mean and move on. If people love you they will move alongside you, accept you for what you are. If they don't they won't. Life is tough.
My Father could never understand people that made such a drama of their lives, took every single incident or comment to heart. 'Why do people make such hard work of their lives' he was frequently heard to quietly bemoan. An intensely private man he knew how to behave and how to conduct himself when life flung some unexpected incident at you. And now he is suddenly gone and all of his words have come back to haunt me. I should have listened.
I promised him I would write in my last letter to him. I wrote a book for heaven's sake. It's been sitting in my computer for three years. I have poem after poem tucked away in a battered folder. I would sit and recite them to him, read snippets from my book. He would relish them. I look at them and inwardly cringe. The outpourings of anguish, pain and suffering. Who on earth was that creature? The woman who had to endure all of that to become the person she is today. A woman who in the past few months has amazed even herself for her tenacity and strength.
So now it's time to say farewell to this particular blog spot. I've sat here for too long and the view has changed dramatically in every sense.
I now live in a street where life plays itself out before my very eye's. Opposite I have a magnificent church whose bells chime out on the hour or gloriously and endlessly peel on a Sunday morning and once a week for bell practise. Only the other evening i saw the sliver of a new moon hovering behind the steeple with the star Venus shining out brightly to the right. It was an uplifting moment and surprised me in it's simplicity.
Outside my window is a bright red pillar box where I see all sorts of people posting their letters. Some scurry and look anxious before moving on, others languidly pause as though contemplating what the sealed envelope holds. Down from the pillar box stands a truly British and traditional sight, the good old red phone box. If ever there was any doubt in my mind where I truly belonged then my view right now is all I need in life to verify I am right where I want to be.
It's a quirky little grade two listed house on three floors. It exudes happiness, it oozes charm, it's karma wrapping itself around you and protecting you whilst you heal.
It has been such a terribly long journey to this spot but something has been released, a shifting has taken place and even though my heart feels enormously heavy I can sense a new beginning, I see the light of a new life on the horizon.
I am lucky.
*In memory of my Father*